For the most part, I grew up in a suburb of the city I live in. When I was about 10, my family had a house fire and lost basically everything. Although it was a traumatic experience, it really was more stress in my parents than my brothers and me. We stayed with my Grandfather who was one of my favorite people AND my Uncle lives there AND it was only around the corner from where our house was. I still remember the night it happened. My cousin woke me up, I saw fire all around the room but I was still half asleep so I was trying to lay back down (smh) until I realized why he was yelling at me. Then I stood up and he helped me get out of bed and met the rest of my family on the stairway out of the house. Still half sleep, I turned around when I got halfway down the stairs but my Mother screamed my name and I went outside. The scene from outside was crazy. Fire trucks, police cars, neighbors, bright lights, and obviously the house on fire. That was 1991 but I still remember it like it just happened. My Dad worked 3rd shift at the time so he wasn't home when it happened but he got there quick. It's true that kids look at their parents as heroes because when I finally saw my Dad, I was good. Even if it wasn't, it just felt like everything was gonna be fine once he got there...and it was. Everyone got out, and no one was badly hurt.
6 months later, my parents built a house in the suburbs and BLAM! it's a different world lol. Until then I never knew what it was like being the only black face anywhere but all of a sudden, I was the only black face seemingly everywhere. Culture shock man. That adjustment was a little hard because of the things I did that were normal to me but foreign to them. Dave Chappelle said that his parents made just enough money for him to be able to grow up poor around white people and I felt that in my soul man LOL!! It was all good though. Being there kind of opened my eyes to a whole new world. I'd never really experienced racism before being out there and even though it was annoying and definitely got old quick, it gave me a perspective I hadn't had up to that point and would need later down the road. Nothing super over the top but as a kid, when you start learning what people really think of you it can really hurt..maybe hurt is too strong a word....let's go with "sting" instead of hurt lol.
My younger brother Mark has always been a natural friend maker. He could go literally anywhere and make friends. We all sort of were able to adapt to being around different groups or whatever what this guy transitioned seamlessly so he was friends with everybody. This one time, one of his friends had a birthday and invited us to a pool party. We were all hyped about going. His friend's house was within walking distance (probably about 10 minutes) of our house so we got our things together and walked over there. It was all good until we were walking up the driveway into the backyard where everyone was and I heard somebody say, "There's black people coming." That was red flag number one. Then we got back there and everybody stopped what they were doing for like 7 seconds. Due to my anxiety, I already have to MAKE myself walk into large rooms of people as it is but at least I know my thoughts at the time are usually just all in my head and don't reflect anything but my fear...but THIS?!? Nah man, this was different. That was the longest 7 seconds of my life. People REALLY all staring at you and it not being just your imagination *whew* it tough lol. That was the second red flag. I couldn't swim (still can't) but it wasn't a deep pool. I didn't get in right away but my brothers did and when they got in, the other kids got out which was red flag number 3. So I policed my brothers the entire time we were there and I did not have a good time at all. I was taking inventory of everything they did. It was just super uncomfortable because it was like being watched as an animal on the nature channel. All we were missing was a narrator. From that point on, I stayed very aware of my surroundings at all times. Sidebar: Writing these is really opening my eyes to the contributing factors of the type of anxiety I deal with lol. Now I promise I won't say that word one more time today
Also when we moved out there, I was trash at basketball but nice at football (go figure) and the only kids in my neighborhood that close to my age were all older and better. I'm not gonna lie, I felt some type of way being the only black kid and being the worst at basketball so I practiced by myself for an entire school year on the low and the next summer I was better than them lol but of course it caused some problems for me I hadn't thought about. No older kid wants to get beat by a younger kid so they tried stuff that ultimately didn't work. I won't get into it today but just know, I was able to hold my own and earned the respect of the older kids. I was basically Scotty Smalls from The Sandlot which is makes today's tee a little funnier. I swear I heard something similar to this every other day lol "You're killin me Smalls!!"
Another sidebar: My friends and I use movie quotes in everyday life on an everyday basis so if you don't know anything about old movies or TV shows, you'd probably be lost or annoying listening to our conversations lol *Big Shrug*
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