Way too much space and time between these blogs. I know. Trust me though, it's not you, it's me. I need to take time to write my thoughts just a little more often.. ok, a lot more often (just in case my therapist is reading lol). Life is busy. It seems like things in the world are picking back up and we're heading toward the end of the pandemic possibly or at least we would be if people would decide to act more responsibly but that's a different story for another day.
This self improvement journey continues. A weird thing I've always found about cleaning something is that your workload varies depending on how clean you want. The way you clean we are about to have company is more cosmetic. You take care of the things that people can mostly see. So your living room, dining room, kitchen and bathroom will be good but the bedrooms and closets and basement won't be up to par. Not because you keep a nasty house necessarily, but because they're typically parts of the house that nobody sees when they come over. Deep cleaning though, takes a little more elbow grease. That's where we not only clean things to look good but we clean in detail and disinfect. We hunt for the places where any dirt could be hiding because the goal this time is to make sure that everything is spic and span. No cut corners. Completely germ-free or at least as close to that 99.9% that it says on the Clorox bottle LOL. So what goes with self improvement. The cleaner you want to become, the more work you have to commit to doing in detail. Something to remember though, is when your deep cleaning things usually wind up messier before they get clean. You begin to pull things out of places you normally don't touch and have to decide how they should be organized or thrown out. You find things you forgot you even owned and have to figure out what to do with them. When we begin to get clean from the inside out, it can be a hard and eye-opening experience because we begin to see how much of a mess we are. We're forced to face things that we would usually ignore or put off until later or pretend it doesn't exist. We take a deep breath and decide that no matter how long it takes, we're not going to cut corners because the only way out is through and the only one you'd be cheating with a shortcut is yourself. It's easy to get caught up doing cosmetic fixes because they're a little easier. We can lose weight, dress up in the nicest clothes and shoes, did a degree, get a good job, drive adult car, buy a dope house all in the name of making ourselves more valuable or feeling a sense of accomplishment but until we commit to doing internal cleaning and improvements we will continue to be the dressed up turds we claim we're trying to get away from. No I'm not at all saying surface or outward improvements are important too, I'm speaking on the order in which we prioritize set improvements. Adult house built on a faulty foundation is trash and is going to eventually collapse.
This again is where I find myself. Seeking to continue to make the types of changes that not only make me a better person in the long run, but make a difference in the people I'm close to or come in contact with by example. I'm working on my shortcomings, I'm working on forgiveness, I'm working on positivity, I'm working on trust and honesty, I'm working on the nuances of fatherhood, I'm working on moving on from failures and living with regrets and more, I'm working on winning on the battlefield of the mind. Yes, the fight to be and stay mentally healthy is always in the forefront for me and all these things contribute to that, which is what makes this t-shirt significant. I thought of creating an EP to document more of my mental health journey entitled, "Looney Tunes." Not fully decided on if I will but I'll keep you posted.
Just seeing how far I've come and how much further I have to go. Appreciating the growth and accepting the challenge of perseverance through growing pains. I am hurting right now but I am fine. I was talking to a counselor earlier who told me that the greatest war I would ever declare would be on myself. So while I may be hurting I am also healing. Pain is a necessary part of recovery but it isn't permanent. For everything negative said about me, I still have a good heart and pure intentions and am determined to become who God sees me as when he looks at me and not a disappointment. Not there yet but as they say, I'm a masterpiece trying to master peace.
Lastly I'll say I'm thankful for his unconditional love. It hits different when you realize it really does exist.
Softspokenprophet.bandcamp.com for my music. Also check me out on Soft Spoken Prophet TV on YouTube. Thanks for reading!!!
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