I know this is becoming more like tshirt of the week but I promise I'll ramp the volume back up very soon. I'm doing a lot and I'm more concerned about the quality than the volume if I have to choose one. One day soon it'll all make sense. I hope that all is well since last week. There are many things on my mind that I'd like to write about but I'm going to attempt to take my time with everything like I said in order to be able to give y'all some coherent thoughts. I've been told that I jump all over the place at times lol. I will forever rep the New England Patriots. I've been a fan since forever and I'll continue. I've always been a reader and I used to read the newspaper every single day. Because I'm from New England, they always used to talk about the local teams and so even when they really sucked, I had so much information on them that I couldn't not be a fan. Now that we're in these dynasty years, I've gotta soak it all up before it's all over and we're the Miami Dolphins. The Tom Brady/ Bill Belichick era has really been a gift from God. I can't say enough how blessed it feels to be a true fan of a history making winning franchise. It's been so successful that you have to appreciate it for all it is now because eventually it will end and all we may have is to be able to look back on the last 2 decades like the Steelers and Cowboys fans look back to the 70s and 90s. Yup, everything comes to an end but today...JUST AINT THE DAY (Shrug).
We've always been taught that nothing lasts forever so I never expect for anything to last. The phase, "and it came to pass" means just that. It came to pass. It's always good to keep in mind that everything has an end but unfortunately because of the way my brain works I have to work extra hard not to cross the line of realistic and pessimism. See, the more lessons I've learned in life, the more I understand that the context is just as important if not more than the main message. Some things shouldn't be left up for your own interpretation because who knows what kind of things your mind can come up with and next thing you know, you're being tortured by your own thoughts. You'd be surprised by how much of what you define is rooted in your first understanding of something. Sometimes we can look back on things we thought as children and laugh at our own ignorance but other times, we hold on to those things and add adult rationale to add merit to it. Bringing the point back around, I've taken the knowledge that nothing lasts forever to heart. It's had an effect on all of my expectations making it hard to enjoy things that are supposed to be good. I don't like to hold on to that way of thinking but I feel like it's almost a defense mechanism not to get too attached to things or people...or...maybe it's the fear of disappointment or loss. I had a house fire a few years back that amplified that feeling as if by steroids lol. It's one of the reasons I carry a backpack everywhere I go. Maybe I wrote about this before... Heyyyyyyyy, I've blogged enough to be able to forget if I wrote about something haha! Anyhow, it's a hard thing. Having that feeling all of the time. Waiting for the expiration. Trying to enjoy things but having that little voice in the background reminding you that you're pretty much on the clock. Making efforts to stay optimistic but always cautiously... Jesus, what would my therapist say? Whatever man, it's a process still on am everyday basis. I don't have to end this with any type of resolution today. That would perpetuate the internet image that I hate. I don't have all the answers. I don't have it all together. I also don't want to be thought of in that manner. Not so much in the interest of "keepin it real," just not internet fake and moreso just to be able to be myself. I don't like the idea of making yourself seem perfect and I don't know how that could realistically help someone else but to each his own. Real talk though, I tend to gravitate toward actuality so it was even hard to take the step to go into therapy because I work with Therapists and know a lot of them on a personal level. Some are excellent at their jobs but I can never get out of my head that Therapists are also people too which means that they are not exempt from issues and how much can you really help me to work through my problems during times of crisis in your own? Is it selfish to only want another person to focus on me and my problems and suppress their own for that hour? Not that they're not able to do their jobs but it's hard not to wonder what type of space they are in when you go to see them. Customer service is a thing for them just like it is for call center workers (unless it's the Uber call center lol). Imagine dealing with some personal issues and having anxiety and having that pit feeling in your stomach and just wanting to roll up into a ball under your blankets and just be left alone but instead you have to listen to Tony or Jackie's issues and give them feedback and a positive outlook when you don't even give a crap about their problems right now? Maybe that was a little dark...It's still necessary to go, I'm just sort of expressing things I think I haven't really heard anyone say. I'm gonna stop writing because I feel like I'm going far off subject but that's where my mind is right now lol. Also....nah. Nope, Imma save what I was gonna say for another day lol.
Hope you've enjoyed or are enjoying your Taco Tuesday. I'm just trying to get TMobile to stop raising my bill and do the things they said they'd do before they lose my business. Also thinking of some fire costumes for Halloween season. Hashtag Cosplay!!! I'm finna show out haha! As always, if you feel so inclined you can like, share, and subscribe. Please and thank you!!
Kommentare