I think that every public bathroom should come with those paper butt gaskets. You know, the ones that you put on the toilet seats. The employees at places already almost never clean the restroom so at least they could give you that. Just as a foundation tho. You're going to have to put mad strips of toilet paper down anyway to create the forcefield between the seat and your butt, they may as well help out and give you those to get started. It's a foundational piece lol. I know y'all are gonna pretend like you've never used a public restroom and you're corny for that. I'm not advocating to do it but when it's necessary, when I gotta go I gotta go. You've been in that situation before. You're driving somewhere and probably under estimated how bad you actually had to go and now you're in an emergency situation. You stop at a gas station somewhere and it's like your body instinctively starts trying to evacuate your bowels the closer you get to a toilet. Then you finally reach the restroom and oh no, it's not clean at all and you've got a decision to make. If it's bad enough you have to spend like 7 minutes in agony while you get it clean enough for you to use. Some places are really bad though. I've gone places where it was so bad I just couldn't use the toilet. Some of those establishments should be ashamed. When your toilet is so dirty that you don't want your pee to have to be flushed in those conditions, there's a problem. I've seen some that are so dirty I didn't want to step inside and have to throw my shoes away after to keep the rest of the store and parking lot from getting dirty afterward. That bad. There was this one time years ago, I worked at the local Walmart 2nd shift and I wasn't off until about 1am which was perfect because my best friend at the time worked up the street at a Hollywood Video (that was a place where you could rent movies on tape and DVD. Just explaining for the younger folks lol) and was off about the same time. So I'd walk to his job and either get a ride home or we'd hang out a while. This one day, I was having some stomach issues. Like a really bad case of the bubble guts. But I thought I'd be ok to at least make it to his job and get a ride home... I was wrong. I was very very wrong. While I was walking there, it felt like a karate class of children were practicing spin kicks in my belly. I had to keep stopping to compose myself. No gas stations were in-between and because of the time, nothing was open so there was no bathroom anywhere. Eventually I almost made it to his job but I was struggling. There was a bar like 5 minutes from his job and so I stopped in to see if I could use their bathroom. I wasn't even really a big drinker at the time but I was willing to buy whatever to use that bathroom lol. They allowed me to use it when I got there, the door was locked. So I'm like banging on the door which was probably obnoxious but I was desperate. Nobody was answering. All you could hear was a noise like someone was sweeping the floor. I banged on the door again. No answer, just the sweeping sound. O felt like I was going to die. Finally a guy unlocked the door from the inside and stumbled out of the restroom. He was clearly drunk and had thrown up at some point. I remember looking at him angrily but being glad he was out. Then my worst nightmare happened. I walked into the restroom and when I reached the stall, I saw the most horrible sight I could've seen. This guy was so drunk, he had crapped everywhere around the toilet instead of in it. The toilet seat was just awful. When I looked at it I realized that sweeping sound I'd heard earlier was him trying to clean up the mess. The problem was, all he did was smear it and spead it around effectively making everything worse. I wanted to throw up. I don't think I'd ever seen anything so bad before. Also at this point, my stomach was KILLING me. I definitely wasn't cleaning that mess but I had to go bad... so bad, I can't even think of a word to describe how bad lol. Of course my instinctive black guy ingenuity kicked in and I slid my pants down to my knees, pulled myself up by the top bar of the stall and maneuvered myself over the toilet. The only way to keep my position was to push each arm and leg against the wall on both sides. So I'm in the air in the stall, holding myself up by the walls like Spiderman. It worked though. It wasn't great but I used the restroom. I had to wait to wash my hands because the guy before me had also puked in the sink. He also puked by the urinal. Like I said, it was all bad. I let the bartender know the bathroom was gross and also told him who did it. I literally pointed to the gentleman who'd destroyed it and then walked the rest of the way to Hollywood Video.
That was kind of long I know but I didn't expect to tell that story or I'd have warned you in the beginning lol. I think originally I'd started thinking about the whole public restroom thing because of the way Boba Fett died in Return of the Jedi when he fell and was eaten by the Sarlacc pit... well let's say supposedly because the according to the comic, he actually survived that. When I was a kid though, I always thought it looked like he got flushed lol. Boba Fett was a really dope character because it seemed like everyone in the entire Galaxy except him was scared of Darth Vader... and was not a Jedi or Sith which was even better because that meant he was just dope and didn't even have powers (Batman anyone?) Fett was a bounty hunter so technically he wasn't good or bad and you all probably know by now how much I like anti heroes. He was like the Star Wars version of Stone Cold Steve Austin. Hopefully sometime soon, Disney will pop something out to give a definitive answer as to the fate of Boba Fett. Still one of the characters I liked the most. Also got to rock my army green Spizikes with the tee. It's the little things lol.
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